Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Inner Chatter

One of my first jobs in life was that of a concession worker at the Detroit Zoo.  It was a seasonal job that I worked for three summers.  I worked with some great people, and work was fun.  There was nothing hard about the job.  However the route I had to take to get to work was unsettling at first.

Because the zoo was in the suburbs I had to take one city and one suburban bus to get to work on time.  The route schedules were such that I had to get to the connector stop about 20 minutes early in order catch the suburban bus to work.  It was either that or be an hour late.  Getting on the first bus was a breeze.  We lived in a good community and I knew a lot of our neighbors.  However, when I got off of the bus, I was on the edge of porn alley.  It's an area that was know to be party grounds for sexually immoral people.  (There were a lot of churches in that area also; but I didn't know any of them to be open when I was passing through on my way to work. )

I was suspicious of everyone who walked by me or stopped at the bus stop. The first few weeks were just awful.  There was a donut shoppe across the street from the peep show; however they only allowed buying customers to sit in the restaurant.   After I got my first and each subsequent pay check, I put aside enough money to go into the donut shop every morning.   I, of course, became a regular customer.  So much so that one morning the dinning room discussion was about me and it took me a few moments to realize it.  They said that something was different about me.  They could tell that something was troubling me.  It turned out that one of the other regulars was a minister. 

The minister told me that I was experiencing "inner chatter".  I don't know how he could tell, but he described my symptoms to a T.  Nothing in particular had happened.  One day I just realized that I didn't feel like my normal happy go lucky self.  My mind was constantly racing but I didn't know what I was thinking about.  I had become short tempered.  And I couldn't sleep.  The minister explained to me that "Inner Chatter" is normally an internal war between good or evil or it is God trying to communicate to a heart that was not listening.  He instructed me to get in a quiet place when I got home and to say "speak Lord, your servant heareth" He also told me to put a paper and pen by my bed and to write down any dreams I had or any words I heard as soon as I woke up.

I did as the minister said.  I don't remember what exactly I dreamed, but I did dream.  I took my paper to the minister the next day and he did not read it.  He told me that the message was for me.  He also told me that I looked a lot better.  Truth was that I felt like myself again.  Why this long discourse?:  I want to encourage you to get to know yourself.  If all of your methods fail; try this.

In joy,

Andrea

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