Honestly please.

I think that I must be going through a growth phase or something.  Peple and experiences from my past are still coming to mind daily.  If these memories were "flashing" before my eyes, I might be worried.  =  ]

A good friend of mine is in a really bad relationship.  Personally, it never occurred to me that a relationship between two educated, professional people could get as ridiculous as theirs.  EVERYONE in her world, including me,  has been begging her to just leave this man; but, she refuses to.  One day last week it occurred to me that not one of us has attempted to see the drama she is caught up in from her point of view.  So I started thinking about my past relationships in an attempt to find out if there were any parallels at all between what I've gone through and what she is going through.

I remembered Beau.  He was the most beautiful, intelligent, talented, practical, fun, studious, honest, strong, affectionate, diligent, cordial, respectful,  . . . man in the world to me.  Every time I looked at him, I saw a man who was perfect in all of his ways.  There was NOTHING about him, in any facet of my being, that perceived him as being anything less than perfect.   Hummm - Minnie Ripperton sang a song that described him best "Perfect Angel".

My saving grace in that relationship is that he was an honest man.  He was always honest and upright about his feelings for me.  When I wanted to buy him gifts, he would ask me how I could afford it.  When I was struggling with a class he would tell me - "You can do it" and then he would help me.  He had amassed two lifetimes of experience and knowledge that he used to share with me openly.  When we were together, I had his undivided attention - no matter who else was around.  All of his actions told me that I was the most incredible woman in the world to him; yet, when I asked him if he loved me he told me EVERY TIME that "I am not the one for you." 

I hope you understand that if he had not been the person he is, he could have dragged me down a road that may have ended my life.  I would have gone along like the mice who mindlessly followed after the pied piper.  Although the horror and danger of the situation my friend is in now is as clear to me as the nose on my face, the potential horror of the relationship I was in was not evident to me at all - even though my friends were telling me  that I needed to back away from him, that I liked him too much.  I just kept telling them that they didn't understand.

Armed with this bit of understanding regarding how she could have let her relationship escalate to the point where her physical and mental health have been compromised I told her about Beau. and how as a teenager I was hopelessly and madly in love with him and could not see the relationship like my friends saw it.   To my amazement, she did not get defensive (as she normally would) she listened.  She's been calling me more frequently than she ever has and every time I tell her about another aspect of Beau.  I recently told her about a red flag in our relationship that I ignored - thinking that he just doesn't realize how much he loves me yet.  To my amazement she told me that a similar red flag was waved in her face more than a year ago.

The entire point I want to convey with this writing is that Honesty saves lives.  If Beau had not been honest with me coupled with the pleadings of my friends, I probably would not have walked away from that relationship when I did.  I suspect that everyone who reads this blog has been in a situation where they say "why didn't you just tell me?" or "If I had known....".   I've learned that the things that I've been afraid or ashamed to share with others are often the very things they have experienced in their lives and could have helped me through if I had just been honest.  I've also learned that when I am honest with people, whether they believe me or not initially, they love me more than ever for the time, energy, and  potential heart aches I've spared them. More relevant to this topic, I have learned that when someone you know or love is in a dangerous situation.  The only way to get their attention may be to honestly share with them a time when you were in a similar or the same predicament. 

Love everyone you know and meet enough to be honest with them.

Andrea